Is the Glass Half Empty or Half Full
by caxo76
Summary: What will Stephanie do when a main man dies? And why does she end up becoming a crossdresser? Eventual Babe story.
1. Chapter One To Four

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Just wish I personally knew a few ;)

**Chapter One**

_Let the Spewing Begin_

My life sucks. No wait, I take that back. My life blows, big chunks. Literally. Bob had just finished off his last morsel, which happened to be the only decent man in my life, my pet hamster Rex, and decided that he needed toupchuck what remained of Rex on my shoes. The only solice I could see in this situation was that I had just gotten off work and I wasn't wearing any of my Fuck Me Heels. That bubble of happiness lasted about 2.3 nanoseconds before Joe came barelling into the kitchen to find Bob on the floor wheezing.

"Jesus Stephanie, what the hell did you do to my dog?" What? What the hell did he just say?Ohhh, the nerve.

"What did I do to YOUR dog? He ATE REX the -" I was quickly cut off by a faster moving Italian temper.

"How did he eat Rex? Did you let him out of the cage? Was he rolling around in that dumbass exercise ball? You know there's a dog in the house!" Dumbass exercise ball? I spent twelve whole dollars on that thing for my main man's happiness, and look where it got him.

" Well excuse me for trying to exercise my pet!" I was pissed. I was seeing red. Rex was gone, and Joe, who was supposed to be my rock of support was yelling at me like I was 4. "Maybe you should train your dog to have respect for other animals!! Maybe if you didn't let him do whatever he wanted there --" I was cut off again my Bob moaning and whimpering. Joe got down on the floor next to him.

"He doesn't look good. I'm taking him to the vets to make sure he's okay. I don't need my pet dying on me too because of your stupidity." He leaned over and to Bob up. I screeched at him.

"MY STUPIDITY??? Well, it wasn't my bright idea to have him here anyways! You're the one who wanted me to sooo desperatly move in so you could have your happily ever after. Look where that got me? The only decent man in my life is now pureed on my shoes!"

"Your fucking hamster is the main man in your life? What the hell Stephanie? Why the fuck did you move in here then if you hate it here so much?" He stood up and walked over to me, fists clenched . I almost cowered in the corner. He stopped with his face only inches from mine. I wasn't sure what he was going to do, I never knew if his Morelli past and temper would get the best of him." If you're only here for a fuck, then you can get the hell out before you do anymore damage to my life. You got Ranger to go running to" He turned away.

"Damage to your life? Fuck you Morelli. Leave Ranger out of this and FUCK YOU. I have had to change EVERYTHING for you, who I can see, what I wear, who I talk to, where I should work -or should I say lack there of?I HATE cooking, I HATE cleaning and I HATE babies! I'm sorry my feet are too GODDAMNED BIG TO STAND CLOSE TO THE SINK YOU SEXIST PIG! I And to think at one point I was in love with you. " That last comment caught him by surprise.

"Was eh? Well, I guess I know where I stand. I guess all of your men are only good for a few quick fucks." He picked up Bob and made his way to the front door. He turned to look at me, a hate resonating in his eyes. " I expect you to have everything out by the time I get back. And Bob had better be fine Stephanie."

"Or what Morelli? You're gunna smack me around like your father did? And to think I thought you were nothing like him. Boy was I wrong. Don't worry about my stuff, keep it. I getting the fuck out of here. At least if Bob dies there will be nothing left between us to share. " I picked up Rex's cage and stormed past him through a veil of tears. I didn't really want Bob to die, he was the closest thing to me ever having a child. Yet, I knew, he would always be this connection between Joe and I, and I didn't know if I could handle that anymore.

I guess it was time to start over.

Please Review and let me know what you would like to see happen next! Thanks for reading!

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Just wish I personally knew a few ;)

**Chapter Two**

_What The Hell Just Happened?_

I, Stephanie Plum, am a failure. Sure, being the Bombshell Bounty Hunter has its perks. I just couldn't think of any as I sat gloomily on my couch and replayed the nights events in my mind. The apartment seemed empty and devoid of life. There was no little wheel turning in the background. No scurrying about. No one to eat my leftovers. I felt empty, and for the first time in a while, I felt completely alone. I realize that he was only an eight dollar purchase on a whim years ago, all in total, I'd probably spent maybe $100 bucks on the little guy, which was like a trip to vet for Bob. But it didn't make him any less important in my life. Bob! Oh shit! I had completely forgot about him.

"Oh God" I groaned. "What did I do? What did I do?" Did Smart Stephanie go on vacation again? How come she keeps doing that? I put my head in my hands and I silently prayed to whomever was listening to please save Bob from making a trip to Doggy Heaven. As much as Joe and I were on the outs, it didn't mean that he was any less important to me. After I let that shock-wave of information hit me, I debated to call Joe. I wasn't sure if enough time had passed for it to be appropriate, or if it even was appropriate at all.

As if on cue my phone rang. I jumped up to answer it then quickly sat back down. There could only be three people phoning me at this time of night. Ranger, my mother or Joe. And I was still out to lunch on wether or not I wanted to talk to any of them. Luckily, and as usual, it took too long for me to think and the answering machine picked up.

"Stephanie, this is your mother. I know you're there. Pick up the phone! Stephanie! Nora Stanton saw you leave Joe's house. What's going on? Did you break up. My phone has been ringing off the hook! Why can't you have private arguments? Stacy Goldbaum said that her daughter is currently performing surgery on Bob! What happened to Bob? What did you do? Why can't you just settle down nicely like your sister? *sigh* I don't even know what to say. Phone me." Ugh, I thought. I am sooo glad I didn't pick up that one, I already feel like a loser and a failure. I didn't need it rubbed in my face anymore.

A few seconds later the phone rang again. I let the machine get it. " Hello, this message is for Stephanie Plum. This is Suzanne Goldbaum phoning from Dr. Mercer's Veterinary Hospital. I was told to phone and notify you that Bob had minor surgery to remove some bones caught in his throat, and had his stomach pumped. He is currently in recovery and will be here for at least three days. He is doing well and is expected to have a full recovery. I will keep you notified if anything changes. Have a nice evening." Well, that answered that question.

I pulled myself off the couch and slugged my way towards to the shower. When I had the temperature ready, I pulled myself into the shower and sat down, huddled in the corner and began to cry. What a night. I felt like I had just survived something out of the Twilight Zone. My shoulders heaved, and I had trouble catching my breath as my pain poured out. I went from being surrounded by three guys to have no one. One was dead, one in surgery and one didn't want to have anything to do with me. Was I really that selfish? By the time I had calmed myself down, Smart Stephanie returned and realized that Stupid Stephanie hadn't even bothered to take her clothes off before hopping in the shower. Great. There goes that pair of jeans. Looks like I am going to have to drag myself shopping tomorrow.

I began to pull my now skin tight jeans off, followed by my shirt. I threw them over the top of the shower curtain, only just realizing that I never heard the wet slap of my jeans hitting the floor....

"What the hell!" I said out load. I was in no mood for more drama. As far as I was concerned, the shit had already hit the fan.

My reply was a deep, throaty chuckle follow by the imminent and heart palpitating:

"Babe."

Please Review and let me know what you would like to see happen next! Thanks for reading!

* * * * * * *

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

"RANGER!" I screeched, nearly jumping out of my skin and cracking my skull open on the shower-head. Ugh, that was going to leave a mark. "What the hell do you think you are doing? Most people knock, or better yet, most people phone prior to barging into my house!" I was t-o'd, my head hurt. The stream of warm water and the knowledge that there was a hot Cuban man feet away from naked me wasn't helping. Did I remember to turn the fan on? It sure was steamy in here!

"Babe --"

"WHAT!!!" that garnered me another chuckle.

"I did phone. You didn't pick up." Oh right, I forgot. I was avoiding everyone's phone calls.

A hand snaked around the back of the shower curtain causing a rush of cold air to enter the shower. "Eeek!!!!" I screamed, and batted at the hand. "Get it away! I'm showering here! I'm not done yet! I just got in!." Secretly, I just wanted to be left alone. Ranger just laughed his evil chuckle again and turned the water off.

" You have five minutes"

"Five minutes for what?" My answer was the sound of the bathroom door shutting behind him as he left. Stupid boys. I hopped out, dried my hair, wrapped a towel around myself and cracked open the bathroom door. Ranger was standing in the living room talking on the phone. Phew, I was in the clear, well, I was until he turned around and half smiled at me.

"Babe, we can't have a serious conversation with you dressed like that." I felt myself begin to blush starting from my toes and quickly working its way up. I stuck my tongue out at him and turned and booked it for the bedroom. Thirty-seconds later he knocked at the door. I don't even know why he bothers. I know he's just going to walk in anyway.

Sure enough, that's exactly what he did, settling himself in the club chair in the corner of my room while I finished pulling a hoodie over my head. I then collapsed on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

"Well, you came over to talk, so hop to it cowboy. I'm bushed, I've had a hell of a night and I want to go to bed." That garnered me an eyebrow raise.

"Do you want to elaborate on that?" He asked leaning forward, staring at me intently. I had to do a mental head shake to keep my mind from wandering. I had just broken up with Joe, lost my poor Rex and now here I am having wandering thoughts about another man while he sits in my bedroom! What the hell is wrong with me? Instead I just shook my head no and silently prayed that he didn't notice the empty cage in the kitchen. I must have used up all my freebie prayers earlier because, damn it, the next topic of conversation was...

"What happened to Rex?"

**Chapter 4: Chapter 4**

I broke down crying again and explained the poor downfall of Rex leading to the breakup of Joe and I. Ranger listened silently, waiting until I was finished before he spoke.

" Well, sounds like quite the night Babe." He was then silent again, as if he wasn't sure he should continue or not.

"No shit Sherlock. Now, as I am feeling very drained and my eyeballs feel like they are bugging out of their sockets, what are you doing here?" I gave him my evil 'Burg glare, which only garnered me a half smile.

"Distraction Babe. We need you." I defiantly picked up on the "we need you" and not the "I need you". Damn. Looks like I was destined to be alone. I think he noticed the change in the room because he came over to me on the bed and knelt beside me.

"You know I need you to Babe." He said and kissed me on the forehead. "But right now, you need your rest more then you need me. I left the file in the kitchen." And moments later I knew I was alone.

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The next morning I woke up with a major headache. I felt like I had on an all night binge. I shuffled my way to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, by passing the empty cage and feeling myself become overwhelmed with sadness. I could hear his little wheel turning as if he was still among the living. Wait? WHAT? Rex's wheel was turning? I leaned down and peered inside the cage, and sure enough, running for dear life on the wheel was a little tiny, (did I mention tiny?) hamster. How the hell did that get there? I wasn't even sure if I was ready for a Rex replacement.

Right next to the cage was the file folder that Ranger had left, and a bag of donuts. Obviously Ranger was back again here this morning. He must really need me for the distraction. I sighed, sat down at the table and opened the file

Carlito Cortez was wanted for skipping his court date. His charges varied from public indecency all the way up to drug trafficking and possession. It was also noted on the file that Cortez was the son of the Floridian senator Rameriz Cortez, who was rumored to be tied to various drug cartels in Central and South America. Huh. That would explain Ranger's involvement. The picture showed a tall, skinny kid, twenty-one years old and a student at the University of Florida. In big letters at the bottom someone had written,

'To obtain the full price for the bounty, discretion and secrecy must be used. This must not be a publicized event. Keep quiet at all costs."

The last line sounded a bit scary, but for two hundred thousand dollars I was game, plus it meant a free trip out of town and I could really use the time away.

Ranger picked up on the first ring.

"Yo."

"Yo yourself. Thanks for the donuts, and where the hell did this hamster come from?"

I heard the smile in his voice, "Tank didn't want you to get lonely or too hung up on what happened."

"Tank did huh?" Sure, like Tank thought of that all by himself. But nonetheless it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that they felt they needed to ensure my happiness. "Thanks, I guess." I was still out to lunch on wether or not I was ready for another man in my life. I must have been thinking really hard because that damn ESP sent out my thoughts.

" It's a girl. And Ella will be happy to look after it while you're gone,and you can come back and see if you're ready." Wow, they really did think this thing out.

"Okay. Thanks Ranger. And...I'm in."

"Great. Lester will pick you up in ten, and fill you in on the way to the airport. I'll meet you there." and he hung up. Jeeze Ranger! I didn't even know what I was supposed to bring, or to wear, or how long we would be gone for! I dialed him again.

"Babe."

"I don't even know what to wear, or what to bring, or how long we will be going for. My parents are going to think I have been kidnapped again. "

" Lester has everything you need. Okay?"

"No, what am I going to be doing?" They always managed to leave me out of the big picture and I hated it.

" Participating in a beauty pagent."

"Wait, WHAT? What does this have to do with a twenty one year old college student?" I was now officially confused. I heard Ranger laugh. This couldn't be good.

"Carlito Cortez is a cross dresser, and is participating in the CDC Beauty Pagent this weekend."

"...uh...and....uh, this has to do with me how? I'm a girl if you hadn't have noticed." What a dumb thing to say Stephanie, of course he noticed.

"Oh, I do notice Babe." that tone of voice sent shivers down my spine and ruined my undies for the day. " I can't pay any of my guys enough to participate in the pagent. So I am sending you in instead."

Oh great. " Let me get this straight, you want me, a girl, to act like a boy who wants to be a girl?" What the hell was I saying?

" You got it. See you at the airport. Lester has just arrived." and he hung up on me again, while my jaw fell to the floor. Did I just hear him right? I get to be a cross dresser for the weekend?


	2. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.

Chapter 5

We landed in Orlando shortly after 6 p.m., for the most part the flight was uneventful except for the two hours I spent in the bathroom telling myself in the mirror that we weren't going to crash. The Merry Men spent those two hours laughing at me. Classy.

The hotel was swank, which surprised me. I wasn't really sure what to expect from a cross-dressing pageant. On that note, I wasn't really sure what to expect from myself this weekend. How the hell was I supposed to act like a boy who wanted to be a girl, but in real life was really a girl? Lester chuckled next to me in the elevator. Whoops, guess I voiced that thought out loud.

" You gotta come up with a story Bombshell. It will make it way easier for you. You could just be a ....small...man. I'm sure other guys, er ladies will be quite jealous of your lithe figure." That comment warranted him a punch in the arm. "Okay, maybe not that lithe." I smiled.

"A story? Like what? " I struggled to think of something good while we made our way to the rooms. Lester followed me in with my bags. The rest of the Bomb Squad was still downstairs scoping out the place.

"Get dressed. Everything you need is in the bag. You have thirty minutes and then we have to head downstairs to check in to the competition and meet up with Ranger. I'll be next door if you need anything."

I waited until he left the room before I began to tear apart the bag. It was full of things like curly wigs, red wigs, wigs which I am sure were 30 years old, gaudy jewelry and various outfits from slutty to over the top drama queen of the eighties. I felt that tonight should be eighties night, I figured the more stuff I lathered on, the less likely anyone would be able to see through my disguise. I put on a curly blonde wig, bright blue eyeshadow and badly did my lips (as I figured what did a guy know about lipstick?) I had large blue circular earrings and a zebra print sequined dress, which thankfully, wasn't that form fitting. I still wasn't sure if I should have wrapped my chest or not. Sure enough, the moment I had finished putting my shoes on (which looked like something from a wedding gone bad) Lester knocked at my door.

I flung it open, and there stood the whole gang, jaws to the floor, and Ranger with a 200 watt grin.

"Do you like it?" I said twirling around.

"Babe. It's 's hard to imagine anything feminine under there. But I bet I can try." I felt my knees go weak. My delirious state was interrupted by Tank clearing his throat.

"We should get her to sign in now Boss and see if she can spot our skip." Ranger nodded, closed the door behind me, and with his warm hand on the small of my back, led me to the elevators.

As the elevator made its way down to the lobby, Ranger continued to move his hand up and down my back, and all the way to my bottom. I had to bite down on my lip to keep from whimpering. I didn't even noticed when the elevator stopped and the doors open. Ranger gently pushed me forward, chuckling as he did so. He leaned in to my left ear and whispered

"Babe" his breath lightly tickling my neck, promptly followed by my knees finally giving out, my shitting left heel getting stuck in between the elevator and the main floor, and my traitorous body launching itself forward into the lobby and bowling someone over on the way down.

"Oomph" I majestically said when I hit the ground.

The person under me responded with a:

"Darling, with all these cute boys surrounding you, I can see why it's hard to keep a good head on your shoulders. Now would you mind getting up sweetie? Your heels are stabbing me in the legs, and these are new nylons." I quickly pushed myself up, and took a closer look at my victim. She, or was it he? He/She was dressed in a red velvet dress, with her hair done to the side, almost as if it was a Pretty Woman knockoff. The face had loads of blush on and clearly needed a lesson on lip gloss. I felt a arm reach over a steady me as Hal picked up my victim. Ranger leaned in close again and whispered "That's him."


	3. Chapter 6

"Why didn't we grab him while I was sitting on him?" I complained to Ranger as he guided me over to the sign in table.

"Everyone was looking at you and your tumble, we need it to be covert." I rolled my eyes, yeah, at this rate, like I was going to be able to do covert. At the sign in table I was handed an itinerary and a pass with the name Cookie Galore. That caused me to involuntary gag. Twenty bucks said Lester had everything to do with the name. I gave him my evil glare, but he just smiled wider at me.

" SEVEN AM!!!" I shrieked! "The first event is at SEVEN AM???"

"Shhh Babe, keep it down. You're not exactly using that masculine of a voice, nor are you being covert." I snuck my eyes back to the itinerary and bugged out when I noted that the first event was evening wear, followed by a talent competition (what? this was sooo not in the job description) and lastly, gulp, a SWIMSUIT/LINGERIE walk off? HOW HELL WAS I GOING TO DO THAT? I dragged Ranger out of the conference room and over to the elevators. I punched the 5th floor.

" We need to talk buster." The elevator dinged opened and three largely overdone men/women walked out and gave Ranger the once over.

"Oh sugar" one of them said to me in a very manly voice " when you are done with him, send him back down." I swore I almost saw Ranger blush.

I yanked him into the elevator, grateful to be alone when at the last moment two more overly done women joined us. They too stared at Ranger. I mean, what's not to like? On the ride up, I moved behind Ranger and whispered in his ear. " Swimsuit competition? Talent? How the hell am I going to do that?" Ranger didn't move. I tried another tactic. "If you hadn't have noticed" I said, letting my fingers walk up his back, feeling his muscles ripple under my fingers, "I'm not exactly a man, last time I checked I had breasts and no penis! " I must have said that part a little to loud, because both women turned around and looked at me. I felt myself desperately try to melt into the floor.

" Don't mean to pry, but there is no need to be ashamed of who you are. Why last year I had breasts implanted and Cherry here is only three months from reconstructive surgery, if you know what I mean." I nodded and turned purple in embarrassment. I could feel Ranger silently laughing underneath my fingers. "If I can give you some advice, you don't have to flaunt it all, some of the girls like too, other cover up with a wrap or a shawl. But I should warn you, pageant regulations only allow you to cover up one area, so be comfortable with who you are, and flaunt your best assets!" Thankfully, the elevator dinged at our floor and we rushed off.

"Talent? What talent? And what's this with I can only cover up one area? My breasts don't exactly look like implants! What the hell am I supposed to do? Stuff myself? Jesus Christ, that is what I am going to have to do isn't it? I am going to have to stuff myself!." I mentally gave myself a head slap as I threw my purse on the bed and paced in the hotel room. Ranger seemed to be enjoying every minute of it. I glared at him "You'd better make this worth my while!! This is INSANE!!!! I mean, like I have to go out and do this, and how are we going to catch the skip, you haven't told me any--" Ranger quickly silenced me with a bone shattering kiss. My mouth opened and I leaned into him, grasping his shirt for dear life. Somewhere in the room, some hussy moaned, and let her hands roam. He groaned and deepened the kiss, pushing me back until I was laying on the bed, while the contents of my purse dug into my side.

Ranger pulled away quickly, leaving me breathless and confused. He lightly brushed his lips over mine as he said "You know I will make this worth your while, but not now, its hard to get in the mood when you're pretending to be a man." WTF? Was that Ranger humor? I was not in the mood for it. I reached for something on the bed to hit him with and swung, and you know what happened? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GRABBED. I'll give you a hint, it's small, rechargeable, goes ZZZZZTTTTT and drops a full grown man instantaneously.

I fucking tasered Ranger. I was in big shit.


	4. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.

Chapter 7

The Merry Men came running. I am not sure if it was because I screamed or if it was because every member had an "alert ESP' that went out when a member went down. Tank and Lester pushed their way around me and bent over Ranger, still twitching on the floor. I stood there frozen, the culprit still in my hand. When they were satisfied that Ranger would be okay, Lester stood up and took the taser from me. He looked at Tank and they both started to crack up. Soon, everyone was clutching their stomachs laughing while Ranger laid on the floor.

"Bombshell" Lester said through tears " Remind me to never piss you off!" They were still laughing as they picked Ranger up and hauled him into his adjoining room. "He'll be fine, though you might not want to be around when he comes too." Lester gave me a quick squeeze and left me to my own devices.

As soon as everyone left, I said down on the bed, head in my hands and began to cry. What the hell did I just do? Is my brain really that screwy around Ranger?

Muffled voices came from the other room and I could hear that Ranger had come too. My first instinct was to rush to his side, but Smart Stephanie came to my rescue. He probably wasn't in the great of a mood. I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning in my bed.

* * * * * * *

At quarter after five the phone rang, it was Tank. Ranger wanted to see me. I shot out of bed and hands shaking I opened the door. Ranger was sitting in bed, propped up with a pillow and no shirt on working away on his laptop. Damn, him being shirtless already meant he had the upper hand in this conversation. I smiled sheeply at him and then proceeded to stare at my toes.

"How a-are you f-feeling." I managed to stutter out.

"I've been better." I gulped. Tears threatening my eyes. "Babe," he said softly, forcing me to look at him. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he was smiling at me. "I know it was an accident, don't feel bad. I'm just glad you never keep your gun loaded." There was a pleasant thought. " Next time, just try and kick me instead, okay?" He wanted me to kick him? Sure, whatever! I silently nodded. He patted next to him on the bed, I slowly slunk over and sat down. He wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me so that my cheek was laying on his naked chest. Oh good LORD!

" The guys want me to take it easy today, so I am going to stay in the room and work from my computer. You are going to be on your own today, but you know that the guys will never be that far." He gave me a quick peck on the forehead and pushed me up. "You'd better get ready, first competition starts at seven."

"But, but what about my talent and the bathing suit portion?" he just grinned at me.

"You're on your own on that one. I'm sure you'll think of something" I shot him a dirty look and headed for the door.

"Oh yea, and Babe...?" I turned to look at him.

"What?"

"Just remember, payback's a bitch." And he laughed. Great. Like I didn't have enough things to worry about already.

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Back in my room I packed a bag for the day with my swimsuit, accessories, a couple pairs of shoes and a blue and gold jumpsuit for my talent portion. I still wasn't really sure what that was yet. I wiggled my way into a bright purple sequined dress with matching pumps and decided to wear the red wig for the day. Fifteen minutes later, and some overkill on the blush, I ran out the door and pressed the button for the elevator. I walked in to a crowded elevator and was quickly pushed to the back, right next to the Pretty Woman look-a-like. The same woman/man I had knocked over yesterday, who also happened to be our skip! I could believe me luck, however that was just about to change as my stupid mouth opened and my brain turned off...

"Carlito Cortez?" Stupid Stephanie! Bad Stephanie! Down Stephanie! She/he looked at me with shock.

"How do you know my name?" Oh boy, how was I going to explain my way out of this one?


	5. Chapter 8

"I recognize you from some photos of you in the paper" I lied, crossing my fingers behind my back. "While you were helping your dad out with his election campaign."

"Oh my god. You know my dad? Please, please you can't tell him about this. He will literally kill me." Was this kid serious?

"I don't know your father, I just saw some pictures in the paper. I thought your dad was all for gay rights?"

"He is when it comes time for elections and public appearances. My father the politician and my father at home are two different people." I nodded my head in understanding.

"I understand, not many people approve of the cross dressing lifestyle."

"Yeah, so, um, what's your name? I'm known as Rae Swallows around here." I had to cough into my elbow to hide my giggle when he told me his name. I put my hand out to meet hers.

"I'm Cookie Galore."

"Nice to meet you Cookie. So what's your story? What do your parents think of you being at the CDC pageant?" I quickly scanned my brain for a decent answer as we walked off the elevator and headed towards the conference room.

"My, uh, parents don't know I'm here." Okay, so that part was the truth. I told my mom I needed a vacation after my fight with Morelli. " They uh, don't really understand how I feel either. They don't get that I feel like a girl who has to act like a boy who wants to dress as a girl." Rae a.k.a Carlito looked confused. I rushed on with my explanation. " I didn't have any...organs...when I was born. The doctors didn't know if I was a boy or a girl. My parents really wanted a boy, so snip snip, I became a boy."

"And you feel that they made the wrong decision?" Rae asked softly as shuffled into the dressing rooms.

"Yes," Is this what Lester meant when he said I would think of something? "I, uh, stopped taking my hormone treatment and grew breasts." Could this get any weirder? Rae nodded her head thoughtfully.

"Lucky you, most of us have to get operations. But you might want to cover those up in the swim suit competition. I don't know how the judges will feel about those."

"Thanks for the heads up."

The evening dress competition went by quickly. All we had to do was walk up a stage and twirl in front of the judges. They just nodded their heads at me, so I guess I passed the girl acting like a boy who wanted to be a girl part. Apparently the crowd liked me too, either that or the Merry Men went a little overboard on the cheering section. I was surprised they weren't holding up signs. On top of that, in between sets, Rae and I began to talk more and more. The skip was quickly becoming friends with me. Tank caught up with me in one of the dressing rooms.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Nice dress"

"Shove it Tank." he smiled.

"What are you going to do for the talent?"

"Oh, you'll see" I had it all figured out. "You might want to get Ranger down here for this one." He nodded.

"The take down is going to happen tomorrow after the crowning." I felt a stab of sadness that I was deceiving Rae. "Do you think you can get our Skip to come up to your room?"

I nodded.

"Good. We'll see you after the swimsuit competition, and go over the details." He patted me on the shoulder and left.

When the talent section began, I peeked around the stage to see if Ranger had showed up. Tank was good on his word, and sure enough he was sitting in the middle of the crowd with the rest of the Merry Men. They all had bemused looks on their faces as the show went on. I watched as Lester gave a standing ovation to a baton twirler which landed him a kick in the shins from Hal. After one man sang Ava Maria badly, it was my turn. Bring it on. I was dressed in the blue jumpsuit, breasts strapped down and raring to go. The music began...

"Bow chikka wow wow..." You know how it goes. I strutted out to the end of the stage and began to grind that pole. The look on Ranger's face was priceless. The crowd stood up and began clapping in time with the music as I did the splits and spun around . By the time the music ended, I had a standing ovation. I walked off the stage and was high fived by my new best friend.

"Holy shit sugar, no one stands a chance against you!" We rushed back to the change rooms to get ready for the swimsuit competition. I had my secret weapon, a shawl for the top, and a pair of Rangers socks for the bottom. I quickly stuffed myself, and got wet in the process of imagining something of Ranger's so close to my doodah. I rearranged it to make it look as natural as possible. I didn't look to bad with a penis, even if it was fake. I stuffed on some hooker heels, and walked out the dressing room door , shaking like a leaf. Rae saw me and immediately came over.

"I'm right before you on the stage, so I'll cheer you on. Don't be so nervous. It's time to be proud of who you are!." Rae hugged me and together we walked to the entrance of the stage.

On cue, I followed right behind Rae. I was in a yellow bikini, with a bright green shawl covering my top, and boy shorts accentuating my 'package' nicely. I wasn't so nervous anymore. I was actually beginning to enjoy myself. It was also pretty funny. Thank god I was getting paid huge for this.

I walked to the end of the cat walk, looked out into the crowd and watched as Tank's eyes followed my body down and rested on my bulge. His eyes widened, rolled back into his head, and he promptly fell over.


	6. Chapter 9

I almost stopped and doubled over laughing at the sight of big Tank fainting, but I had a swimsuit to work in front of the judges. I finished my walk and exited to the change room. I changed quickly and booked it upstairs to see if Tank was okay. At this rate, the only ones left for me to injure were Lester and Hal.

When I got to the fifth floor I saw Ranger walking the hallway and talking on his phone. He quickly hung up and came walking over to me, eyes laughing. HE gave me a MEGA kiss, tongue and all and I was forced to wrap my leg around him. I could feel him laughing at his effect on me.

"Babe, " he said, his eyes twinkling "you are the best. Who would have knew that's where my last pair of socks went. " Oops. "Don't worry, I like having articles of mine close to you, " he murmured and ravished my lips again. I stealthily unlocked my door and we swung into the room. Secretly, I was hoping to get my rocks off, but alas, the gods were not in my favor. Interrupted by throats clearing, I looked up to see the Merry Men spread out with laptops and paper all over my room.

Lester laughed. " Sorry Bombshell, but it's time for that meeting. So bummed I forgot my camera. " Turning red, I launched myself into the bathroom, allowing myself to have ten minutes to return to normal looking, though I did kind of like being considered FAB-U-LOUS.

Hal started the meeting. " Tomorrow after the crowning, Bombshell said she will invite Carlito --"

"You mean Rae." I corrected.

"Uh, yes, Rae. You will invited Rae back to your room for celebrations or to cry or whatever. From there we will join and apprehend him...her?" he looked at me. I shrugged.

"Go with she. That's who she wants to be." Gender wasn't really that important to me, but it was something Rae was hard at work trying to figure out, and I was getting very attached to her. I was getting attached to the whole idea of embracing yourself in all its glory, and choosing to be who you wanted to be without persecution. The men went on with details about transport and holding, which was really boring to me because it only took me minutes to fall asleep. I was bushed. It was a long day. I'm sure they could all hear me snoring.

I woke up to the sheets being yanked off my bed.

"Fuck off. I'll kill you." I mumbled.

"You would do that. You'd miss me too much" a deep voice rumbled that belonged to a hot HOT Cuban man.

"It's never too early in the morning to shoot someone." I answered tugging back at the sheets.

"Babe, you have 1 hour until the finale begins." ONE HOUR?? That got my attention.

"HOLY SHIT" I jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. My hair was standing all over the place, it actually looked pretty 80's, which matched most of my outfits, so I hair sprayed the crap out of it and began on my face.

When I was done, I began to root though the bag of clothes, most of the outfits I had already worn. I couldn't be seen wearing the same outfit twice. At the bottom was an aquamarine colored dress that looked to be made out of nothing but polyester. Where the hell did Lester find all these dresses? Was his sister a bridesmaid and never a bride? I stepped into the dress, it was tight. So tight that it accentuated my chest and lack of a penis. I took it off, stuffed myself again and wrapped my chest. I added some dangly earring and a couple of Mardi Gras beads. Perfect. I was pretty impressed with myself on such a short notice.

Two minutes later I was downstairs and backstage, lined with with the other ladies ready to hear the judges verdict. Rae saw me and squeezed herself in behind.

"Damn, honey. You look great. I think you got this one in the bag." and she grabbed my hand.

"Thanks. You don't look to bad yourself. " and I laughed nervously. I don't know what I was more nervous about, the pageant results, or the takedown later on this afternoon.

We shuffled nervously on the stage and waited still holding hands as the judges explain how they came to the winner, through points and yadda yadda yadda. I was having enough difficulty keeping this smile plastered on my face.

"This year's third place contestant is Cherry Blossom." We all clapped as she received her sash and flowers.

"This year's runner up is Rae Swallows!" We screamed at each other, hugged, and she walked over to accept her sash and flowers.

"And the winner of 2009 CDC's Beauty Pageant is....... Miss Cookie Galore!"

WHAT? WHAT? DID HE JUST SAY MY NAME? OH MY GOD! I WON A PAGENT BY PRETENDING TO BE A MAN??? The crowd went wild as I numbly walked across the stage to accept my crown. Ranger and the Merry Men were on their feet and whistling and cat calling as I waved. PIctures were being taken with me and the other winners. I was feeling euphoric. Down here in Florida I was a somebody. If this doesn't get me laid, I quit. Then the sadness started to crowd my happiness party. The takedown was supposed to happen soon.

The next thing I knew Rae was gently pulling me off the stage and toward the private dressing room.

"Wanna go out and celebrate!" she asked as she began to take off her dress and change into more masculine clothes. It was amazing how little time it took for her to transform from Rae back to young Carlito.

"Yea, " I mumbled, gathering the guts up to go through with it. " after I change." I began to take off my dress, and I reached down and pulled out the socks. I was beginning to get chafed down there. It was only then did I realize my mistake, I was NOT in my room, I did NOT bring a change of clothes down to the dressing room and I was NOT alone. I turned my head slowly to watch as Carlito's jaw dropped to the floor at the sight of my very feminine body part. He also had the common sense to blush and turn his head away.

"Y-y-you---you're, a -g-girl." He stammered. "Not a pretend girl you're a real live girl." Well thanks, I think.

"Yes. So I guess that means that you really won first place?" I tried to win him over with that comment, but he was still in shock at the fact that I was a sock stuffer. I wasn't really proud of the fact myself.

"I had no idea. I don't even know what to say." That was putting it mildly.

"Ummm, how about we start at the beginning..." I swallowed loudly, and tried for courage, " Hi, my name is Stephanie Plum, I am a bounty hunter. You missed your court date, and I am here to take you into custody."


	7. Chapter 10

I wasn't sure if Carlito had heard me, let alone breathing. He just stared at me and blinked, twice. He then cleared his throat.

"Okay. Sure. I understand. Take me in" he said holding out his hands, "Now is as good a time as any." WHAT? It was that easy? I lost it, blame it on a combined effort of no sleep and sexual tension between me and a certain Cuban man.

"WHAT. You mean to say that I did all of this for nothing!!! I dressed up like a man who wanted to be a woman, I paraded myself about, I lied to my new best friend, I went out in public with inappropriate hair and it turns out I didn't have to do ANY OF IT???" I was pissed off. If I had known it was going to be this easy, I would have just asked him on day one when I sat on him.

"D-did you just say your new best friend?" I nodded, steam was still coming out of my ears. I felt like an idiot. He smiled, "Well then honey, did you have fun?" I nodded. " DId you learn to except yourself for who you are regardless of what others think?" I nodded again. " Were you able to experience life in someone else's shoes? Well then, I don't think it was a total waste, plus you did just win a pageant by stuffing yourself with socks. I don't know many people to have the preverbal balls to do that. No pun intended."

He walked over to me and have me a hug. "I understand that you have a job to do, and I understand that you never wanted to lie to me, I'm okay with that. I just wished you had felt close enough to me, as I do to you, to tell me what was up." He gave my shoulders a squeeze and let me go. "Now are you calmed down? Good. Get dressed because you still have to face the cameras on the way to the elevators. They might even ask you if you believe in world peace." He paused, his face paling.

"What is it Carlito?" (I had a hard time calling him Rae when he didn't look like Rae)

"Oh SHIT. I totally forgot about the photographers. My picture, as a woman, no, as a cross-dresser is going to be in the paper and my father will see it!" He started to shake.

"Woah woah, I thought you said that your father supported you in your lifestyle."

"He supports me being gay only politically, not personally. You have a file on me right?"

"Yeah....but what --"

" Well, does it say anywhere in that file about my father's connections to various drug rings in South America?"

"Yes, but I don't un--"

" My father is okay with me being gay because it gets him elected. It makes him seem worldly and progressive and allowed him many freedoms the drug trade never had before. But, with the cartel, I am seen as a weakness, as not being manly enough. One of the groups in Columbia threatened to kill me for being a weak link but my father wouldn't allow it. He said I was a perfect scapegoat. In exchange for my life, my father made a deal with the cartel that I would act as a drug runner for him, I'm a young college student, the son of a politician, who would think it was me? However, if these photos are seen by him, or worse, by the Columbians, they will think that I am not living up to my end of the deal, which is staying "manly" and "out of sight". I just wanted some freedom of expression and the right to feel good and now it is going to kill me." He hung his head, tears streaming down his face.

I, by this point was bawling. This was something I never expected.

" Come with me upstairs, my team is waiting for us. You can tell Ranger what you told me and he will do everything to keep you safe. I'm sure you have information vital to him, we will take you back to Jersey with us and get a deal to put you in protective care. I just welcomed you into my life, I'm not ready to let go." We hugged briefly and made our way up to the fifth floor. I opened the door to my room and all the Merry Men stood there waiting, guns drawn. I stood in front of Carlito.

"Babe, you're going to have to move."

"No." he raised his eyebrow and made a step towards me. " Wait, I have something to tell you." I spilled everything that Carlito had told me about his father and the Columbian cartel. I made sure to emphasis that they were going to kill him, especially if they saw the pictures of the pageant. Ranger listened intently and agreed to talk to the D.A. about protective care for him.

"Babe, we're still going to have to book him."

"I understand."

"Boss, we should leave tonight." Hal noted. Ranger nodded.

"How long will it take you to get packed?" He asked our skip.

" I can leave right now. There's nothing in my hotel room that's important to me. It might even keep them off my trail if it looks like I was taken." The Merry Men all agreed.

"Good. It's settled " Ranger said, " We leave in 5 minutes."

"Uh Boss, shouldn't we let Bombshell change?" Tank asked. I eyed him.

"Why, you don't like how I look? You don't want to be seen in public with me? Is that what is it? I worked my ass off and now I WANT TO GO HOME. " Tank began to blush and his eyes looked down my body. "Ahhhh, I know what it is." his eyes snapped back up to mine. "You're just jealous that my dick is bigger than yours." And everyone proceeded to burst out laughing at Tank's expense all the way to the airport.


	8. Chapter 11

The flight back to Trenton didn't make me nervous. Which was amazing I'm sure to Ranger and the other guys. Carl and I talked about our lives growing up, our dreams, and eventually the reason why we had met in the first place. I'm sure the guys were paying extra close attention to that part and writing down notes.

Ranger spent the majority of the flight talking to a number of "high in the food chain" guys he knew to see what could be done about Carl's delicate situation. Since he was third party to a lot of the information, the D.A wasn't sure how well that would fly as concrete evidence in the court of law. Lester assured us that they would do everything possible to keep him safe, but in order to fill their government contract, they had to book him. Anywhere was fine as long as it was an American station.

After tearful goodbye and the promise that I would come and visit him tomorrow, we left him with Costanza at the station in Trenton. The station was on high alert and said they would do their best to treat him well.

"Thanks for everything honey. You're the best friend a guy could ever have." Carl said before they led him to the back. "You make sure that Ranger man of yours treats you well, I won't be able to protect you for a few days."

"What? Ho--"

"On come on sugar. You two look at each other like you were dinner. I'd better take advantage of that before someone else does." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Like WHO??"

"Me" He laughed and waved bye as he went through the security doors.

Ranger lightly grabbed my hand and led me to his car.

"I'd prefer if you stayed with me tonight. I want to keep my eye on you until we know what will happen. Tank is going to make some calls and monitor any of Cortez's movements, as well as the cartel. I sure they think of him as a liability." He squeezed my hand. "We'll work it out Babe. " I slowly nodded as the movement of the car lulled me to sleep. It had been a long day.

--------------------------------------------------

I woke up in Ranger's apartment as the sun filtered through the windows in his bedroom. His warm arm was draped across my chest, I went to move it so I could sit up but instead it tightened as his fingers lazily played with my nipple through my shirt. It caught me off guard and I bit my lip and moaned. His hand moved over to my other nipple and sent sparks south.

"Ranger" I gasped. " I --- have---ohhhhh ----to-----pee." That got his attention. I sat up and ran for the bathroom. After emptying my bladder, I was still hot and bothered, but I didn't have enough guts to join him back in bed. Was it too soon? I mean, Joe and I just broke up. Who was I kidding. I knew it was over, he knew it was over.

I sighed and climbed into the shower.

"You're a chicken Stephanie." I said to myself. "Chicken chicken chicken." I tucked my hands under my arms and flapped them. What a loser I was. Here I had a hot man in a bed only twenty feet away and I was doing the chicken dance in the shower...alone. Fuck. I was I ever frustrated. Time to leave the chicken behind. I left the shower running, hopped out and made my way to the bathroom door. I opened it partially and called out.

"Ranger?" I managed to squeak out. Nice Steph, way to take control of the situation.

"mmm, Babe."

"Uh, I uh " here goes nothing. " I can't reach this spot on my back ...and...I...uh...need some help?"

Holy shit, I have never seen a man move that fast. No even to avoid a speeding bullet. Ranger had me pressed up against the shower stall wall in seconds, fucking my mouth like there was no tomorrow. How convienient of him to sleep naked. He gently squeezed by breast as his hand traveled south to my doodah, and OMIGOD!!!


	9. Chapter 12

A/N: for those of you who might be confused, I will call him Carlito when he is dressed like a man, and Rae when is dressed like a woman.

Sex with Ranger is AWESOME. From the shower to the bed to the floor to five minutes before he left for the fifth floor. I spent the majority of the morning wandering around in Rangers silk boxer and t-shirt trying to find where I left my brain. After munching on some cereal I spent the next couple of minutes staring at the little hamster that 'mysteriously' made it into Ranger's apartment. I sighed, it was official, I was in love. Now was I referring to Ranger or the hamster. I wasn't sure. It was safer to go with the hamster. I decided to name her Ella, because we all knew where Tank got the idea for a replacement hamster. All was good, I had quite the morning, made a new friend, won a beauty pagent and managed to start the repair on some holes in my heart.

I flopped down on the couch and turned on the television. Nothing good. Nothing good. Half naked women. Nothing good. Picture of me. Noth---wait! A picture of me? Sure enough, there I was, spashed across the tv, my arms around Rae with the caption " Son of Floridian Politician Rameriz Cortez is Runner Up in a Cross Dressing Pagent." Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. I phoned Ranger.

"Yo"

"Turn on channel 16! QUICK!" I heard him bark the orders in the back ground. "They're going to kill him! They know it's him. There's a picture of me! They're going to kill him!"

"Babe. Calm down. Tank is calling the station. We're going to post his bond, and have him released to us. "

"Has there been any movement with his dad or the cartel?"

"Babe..." that one was a warning, for I didn't want to know.

"Ranger, please. I need to know."

"Yes. We don't know how. There were two untraceable names on a flight into Trenton this morning."

"Oh my god. Oh my god. RANGER THEY'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!!! " I hear him talking in the background, then he barked some more orders. It did not sound good.

"Babe, I have to go. Cal is going to make sure you stay here."

"What? No! What happened? " I was shaking so badly I'm sure Ranger could hear my teeth chatter.

" Carlito Cortez was released on bond 15 minutes ago."

"WHAT??? BY WHO??? I thought he was to be to be kept in protective custody." I was frantic.

" It wasn't court ordered. The judge was to look at it this afternoon."

"HOW WAS HE RELEASED??"

"It was a new guy this morning on staff. He wasn't briefed properly. Babe, I have to go." I could hear his car start in the background.

"I'm coming."

"No."

"Yes, or so help me God I will come down there and taser you again. Or kick you in the balls. Your choice."

"You have two minutes."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I ran down the stairs two at a time. I hadn't even bothered to change. I will still in Ranger's boxers and shirt. Ranger gave me the once over when I got in the car.

"Babe"

"What? Two minutes isn't enough time to get dressed."

" You're not going to the police station like that."

Ugh. Men. "Fine."

"We will stop at your apartment, and you will really have two minutes to change."

------------------------------------------------

I ran up to my apartment and fumbled with the keys in the door. My mind was racing at ten thousand miles a minute. I bolted through the door and immediately tripped over something and landed on my face.

"What the fuck?" I stood up and turned around and screamed. There, propped up in a chair by the door, her legs sticking out, blood trickling down her face and two gun shot wounds to the head was my darling Rae.


	10. Chapter 13

Almost instantaneously my apartment was filled with people. The police, the ME's office, various Rangeman employees, a handful of FBI agents and of course Ranger and Morelli.

I was in shock. Which more or less consisted of me huddled in the corner bawling. Morelli tried to come over and comfort me, but I wasn't having any of it.

"Cupcake, are you okay?" No answer. " I should be mad at you for running off to Florida." Jackass. " But I guess this is no longer my fight." No shit Sherlock. " *sigh* I really hope you are okay Stephanie. And I sincerely hope that Ranger is taking good care of you. I'd better let you know that there was a note attached to a...uh, private....place on the body. It mentioned that you were next. I just need to know you'll be safe. The cartel is not anything you want to be caught up in." I stared right past him. He just shook his head at me. " I guess with the way Ranger's eyes are stabbing me in the back, you'll be okay. Please call me if you need anything. I'm sorry Cupcake." He stood back up.

"I knew." Joe squatted back down. I think he was unsure if I had really said anything.

"Knew what?" he looked puzzled.

"About you and Teri. I knew." He sighed loudly.

"I --"

"It's okay Joe. You need to be happy." I was getting used to being a let down.

" Steph -- I ---" he ran his finger through his hair. "I'm sorry."

"Goodbye Joe." and I resumed staring at the floor. At least Joe had wanted to comfort me. Ranger hadn't even tried.

--------------------------------

After the M.E had done its onsite investigation, they began to pack the body up. I walked over and grabbed Rae's cold hand. The M.E. looked up at me.

"I need to come with her."

"Are you in charge of the final resting requirements after the autopsy?" I nodded.

"Okay, let me finished cleaning up and I will be ready to go in about 10 minutes." I sat there amid the chaos in my apartment and rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb. I was numb. I had seen people die before, but never anyone I was really attached to. It was almost like an emotional flashback to when Ranger was shot, except that Ranger survived. I was such a failure. I left her alone and she dies. I left her to crawl into Ranger's bed. What a shitty friend I was.

Ranger came over. His eyes softening as he saw me holding Rae's hand. "Babe, it's time to go." I shook my head.

"This is not up for negotiation Stephanie." Ohhh, my whole name. Big whoop. I was not leaving her side again. He reached down and grabbed my free arm.

I stood up and shouted "NO!. I AM STAYING RIGHT HERE!!" Ranger looked shocked and began to growl.

"Babe, we need to get you to a safe house. There are members of the cartel looking for you."

"I'm not leaving her again."

"Yes you are. End of discussion." And he picked me up. I snapped. I began to kick and hit and shake my head. Ranger let me drop to the floor, still enclosed in his arm. I pummeled his chest with my left hand and then again with my right.

" You JERK. You said you would PROTECT HER!!. That was your job!." I kept hitting him and hitting him. I was making a scene, and I didn't care. As far as I was concerned Ranger had screwed up and someone had died. "Instead I left her to sleep with you!! I'm always leaving someone for you and they get hurt because of it." I was sobbing hysterically now, pushing on his chest for him to let me go, but he held fast, rubbing his hands up and down my back. "Let ME GO. I need to go with her. I need to be with her, I can't leave her again. I need...."

Ranger picked me up and began to carry me towards the door. I kicked and screamed.

"PUT ME DOWN. I HATE YOU. I DON'T NEED YOU. YOU DON'T LOVE ME. I CAN'T LEAVE. PUT ME DOWN!!"

"I'm sorry Babe. I can't lose you." he said holding him to me, grunting as I kicked him.

"LET ME GO!!"

"I'm sorry Babe. I'm sorry I have to do this." He held me close and I felt a familiar tingle and heard a familiar noise. ZZZZZZTTTTT. Playback's a bitch I though as my world crumbled into black.


	11. Chapter 14

A/N: Thank you so much to all my reviewers! I'm sorry I didn't say so sooner. You guys are the best!

Chapter 14

I awoke to a major headache, a sore neck and dry mouth. I seriously felt as if I had been run over with by a semi. I was laying on my back looking up at a mural of the sky on the ceiling. Where the hell was I? I strained my neck to the left, and there was Lula, sitting in a chair next to the bed, playing on her phone. I couldn't really tell what she was wearing because it was too bright for my eyes and I couldn't focus.

"Girly! You're awake! Thank god, you've been out like a light for three days!" Three days? Oh, that's right. Rae had died, and I got tasered. My life was never boring.

"Are you even listening to a single thing I just said?" I shook my head.

"Sorry." I croaked.

"Psh, well, you're forgiven. Anyway, as I was saying. Hear me out. I know you're all upset over what happened to Rae. She seemed like someone really worth knowing. But, its time to pick up the pieces and move on. Plus, at least you won't have to beat the shit out of Ranger again. I can't believe you did that. "

"He said that he---"

"Now shuddup and listen to me. Okay? You're supposed to hear me out. I know what it is like to lose people, in my hookin' days I would see women I knew get shot, stabbed and raped on a regular basis. It sucks. I know. But they, and I am sure Rae as well, would not want us to sit around and mope like it was the end of the world. You've got shit to do, and a life to live. Hell, you won a fuckin' cross dressing pageant. I'm proud of you girl." Her voice got lower and she narrowed her eyes at me. " Now here is part where you listen very closely. You hurt that man. I didn't think you could do it but you did."

"But h---"

"NO, you listen to me girl. He has been pacing the hallways of this house since you arrived here. He obviously hasn't slept in three days. He thinks you hate him, and that you will never forgive him. He spends his nights sitting in his car listening to the police scanners. He has the men working overtime searching for your goons. He doesn't eat, I don't think he has showered. As for your friend, he and Tank followed everyone that came off a plane in Trenton to see where they were going and what hey were doing here. That's like a thousand fucking people they followed, all for you! Ranger was on the phone talking to everyone he knew to get protective custody without having to wait for the judges consent. He even asked Morelli to house Rae if the judge turned it down. "

"How do you know all this?"

"Tanky. But there's more. " I couldn't believe it. I was beginning to look like the world's biggest idiot. " We're at the Batcave." My jaw dropped to the floor.

"NO WAY??"

"Yes way, and dig this. You know how it took you three years to get here? Ranger phoned me two minutes after he left your apartment and gave me the DIRECTIONS to it. It takes you three years to get here, and as soon as you get hurt, he gives out the directions so I can come and cheer you up. You can drive any of his cars, blow them up and he still keeps you around. Girly, if that isn't love, then love doesn't exist. Oh yea, and by the way. He called your mom too. She's downstairs waiting to see you." Lula stood up and made her way to the door. My mom was at the Batcave?

"I know this is a lot of information girl, but he loves you. He really does. And I don't think for all of his hard work, that he deserved to be hurt like that. There's even a cheque for you on the nightstand for the full amount of the skip. He said you deserved it because you did all the work."

"Lula, wait. Please." She turned around and looked at me, hands on her hips. Was she wearing polka dots? " He can't love me, he said I was just his...entertainment." Tears began to fall down my face once more.

"Now where did you get an idea like that?"

"R-ranger"

" That is sooo untrue. Are you blind?? He probably just said that because every time he goes to make a move you went running scared back to Morelli." Ouch, that hurt. But she was right. " I have two things to tell you, and then I am going to get your mom. One, you are the sole beneficiary to his estate and company, and two, you are not listed on his taxes as entertainment dummy, you are listed under spousal." I am sure my jaw dropped to the floor after that comment. " Please don't be a fool Stephanie. We only get to live once." And she walked out the door.


	12. Chapter 15

A/N I apologize for the short chapter. I thought this was a perfect place to leave it off...I know. I'm mean.

Chapter 15

My mom came bustling in the door shortly after Lula left. She was telling me something about being glad that I was okay, Morelli and the button factory.

To be truthful, I was still reeling over what Lula had said and I did not pay attention to anything she said. I felt like I was in kindergarden and had tucked my dress into my panties, and everyone could see it, and I couldn't. I smacked my forehead. "Stupid stupid" I muttered. Totally forgetting my mother was there.

"Stephanie dear, it's okay. You're not stupid. You will find another man, I don't know how. But you will. Maybe that Ranger fellow. He seems pretty enamored with you. Maybe he can make you come to your senses about this job of yours. And give me more grandchildren." Huh? What was she talking about? Shit, I should have been paying attention.

"Well honey. I have to be going. Your grandmother probably has burnt the house down by now, with your father still sitting in his chair. You look tired. Go back to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and you will feel better. I expect you for dinner next week, provided someone is not trying to kill you. " She made the sign of the cross and stood up, gave me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek and left.

I shuffled my way to the bathroom to deal with some urgent news. I was sitting there contemplating my life when someone knocked at the door. Oh dear God, I hope it wasn't Ranger. I so wasn't ready for that. Thankfully it was Tank's voice that floated through the door.

"Stephanie? Are you in there."

"Yea."

"Are you okay."

Trick question. "Yea."

"Okay, well. Lester is going to follow your mom home, and I am going to take Lula with me. Ranger is going out for a run. You'll be by yourself for a bit. We all have our phones."

"Yea."

"Okay Stephanie. Take care." I could tell he wanted to say more, but he left regardless.

I had a shower in the orgasmic bathroom. It was wall to wall marble, huge claw foot tub and TWO showerheads in the shower. If I wasn't on lock down and slightly depressed, I would have appreciated the place a bit more.

The hot shower exhausted me. I pulled on a housecoat from the back of the bathroom door and slinked back to the king sized bed. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillows.

---------------------------------------------------------

I woke up suddenly, from a nightmare, I wasn't sure. My body had broken out in a sweat. I tried to sit up and cried out in pain. My should felt as if it was on fire. I would know that feeling anywhere. I had been shot. How did that happen. I grimaced as I fell out of bed, clutching my arm and dragging myself to the bedroom door. I grabbed the handle and yelled. It was hot. I could feel a burn on my hand. What the hell was going on? I flung open the door and was immediately bombarded with smoke and heat. The house was on fire. It burned my eyes and throat causing me to cough. It forced me on the floor where I began to crawl with one arm to freedom. I had no idea where anything was in this house. I had never left the room. I gingerly took a couple of crawls forward and the ground disappeared underneath me.

"Ahhhhhhh" I screamed as I tumbled down a long set of stairs. I withered around in pain when I reached the bottom. I was coughing and crying.

"Please help me. Someone! Anyone! I don't want to die. " Where was everyone?

And then I remembered. Ranger had gone for a run, Tank and Lester were out. I was all alone. I was shot. And the house was on fire.

My throat began to close, and my eyelids felt as if they were fusing together. I don't want to die. I never got to say I'm sorry. I never got to help Rae, or myself. I never got to tell him I loved him.

Ranger was my last thought before my throat closed and I began to asphyxiate.


	13. Chapter 16

Three weeks later.....

I wish I could say I woke up.

However, not being able to see somehow must not count for being awake. It was like the friggin' Twilight Zone. I could hear, beeping, voices, a fan, phones ringing, someone walking. I could also feel, it almost seemed...like a heightened sense. I could feel a breeze when someone walked past. It was kind of spooky. I hadn't really tried to talk either as there was a tube kinda of in the way. The more I concentrated on what was happening around me, the clearer it became. The voices were less muffled, and the beeping gave away my location. I was in the hospital.

The hospital.....the memories came whoosing back to me. My shoulder, how did I get shot? The fire? I thought I was dead. Was I dead? If I was dead, then who walk holding my hand? Was it God? I groaned inwardly. I was so screwed if it was God, he was going to call me on _everything. _This moment was one of those hindsight is twenty twenty - and where I should have listened to my mom. Then God spoke to me. His voice was deep, throaty...and familiar? Ranger? What the hell...oops, can't say that can I?...Ranger was dead too? Ranger was God? That would be cruel punishment if Ranger was God. That can't be.

Then it hit me. I wasn't dead. I was alive, and Ranger was holding my hand. The knowledge felt like a ton of bricks upon my chest. I reacted and squeezed the hand. I guess Ranger wasn't aware of his surroundings because the hand left mine and I heard some scuffling followed by an "oomph."

"You okay Boss?" Tank was here too? "What happened?"

"She squeezed my hand Tank." he came over closer me. "Babe, babe, can you hear me?"

I turned my head towards the sounds, pulling my shoulder and wincing in pain.

"Shhh, it's okay. Don't move if it hurts. Can you open your eyes Stephanie? Please?" Shit. Ranger's double command. I tried. It was so bright, my eyes watered and I immediatly shut them again.

"I saw that, try again Babe. You're doing great." His fingers massaged the back of my hand.

Okay, I thought. I can do this. I opened my eyes, Ranger's face was close to mine. It was so blurry, I reached up to touch it, tracing the familiar lines until they came into focus. I watched clearly as Ranger's eyes misted over...wait, what? and he turned his head and kissed the palm of my hand.

"It's nice to finally see your eyes Babe." he said huskily. I smiled and tried to reply, but the tube got in my way. Ranger understood and motioned Tank over. "Get the nurse and get this fucking thing out of her. NOW!"

I began to laugh. Tank running out of the room looked like a penguin hobbling to escape death from a killer whale. It must have sounded like a choking sound because Ranger stood up, put his hand on my chest and pulled the tube out of my mouth.

"FUCK!!" I yelled. "That hurt!" Ranger just smiled and began to rub my throat.

The nurse came running in with Tank. Ranger gave her the tube.

"You took to long." was all his said.

"I'll get the doctor." the nurse said shakily and ran out of the room. Tank followed.

Ranger looked back at me.

"Hi"

"Hi." I answered, sounding like someone on the 1-900 phone lines.

"How do you feel?"

"I've been better." He nodded. And picked up the chair. What?

"Um, Ranger...why is the chair on the floor?"

"You scared me when you squeezed my hand."

"You fell out of the chair?" He nodded. "YOU fell out of the chair?" I couldn't believe it, this shit only happens to me. Not Ranger. I began to laugh again and he smiled his 200 watt smile at me. It faded quickly as he stared at me. It was making me nervous.

"What? Is my hair that bad?"

" No. You look wonderful. Alive." He teared up again.

"Ranger, what's going on? Are you okay?" That's when I noticed the cast on his arm, and the stratches all over his face. "Ohmigod Ranger. What happened?"

He began to talk softly. " I saw the smoke when I was running. I knew it was the house. I knew I should have left you alone. " He shudder. " I wanted to give you space. And all it did was almost get you killed."

I could see that his heart was breaking. "But I'm not dead Ranger. I'm here. And there's somethi--" He continued on as if I hadn't said anything. He was in a trance.

"I ran as fast as I could, the house was engulfed. I didn't know where you were. I climbed to the balcony, but the doors were locked in the bedroom. I had to break the glass to get to you. But---" a sob came to his throat. " But you weren't in bed, all that was there was a pool of blood.." He put his head in his hands. "I ran down the stairs, and there you were, broken, bleeding. All because of me."

Ranger was sitting, broken himself in front of me. My Achillies and I was his heel.

"Ranger" I said softly. " I'm here. I'm alive. I'm okay, well, maybe not okay. But I'm here. Because of you. Everything is beacuse of you. I owe you s--"

He shook his head and stood up. "You don't owe me anything, it was my own fault that you were dragged into this situation. You'd would be best to stay away from me."


	14. Chapter 17

" Ranger." I said as he began to pace and ignore me.

"RANGER." I yelled. It got his attention. "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP. God, you are SUCH a pain in the ass. And I know all about pains in the asses." He sat down. Good, I didn't have my taser gun.

" Don't be an idiot. We've both idiots for too long. Now I have something to say. So you are going to sit there and listen. And because I am gibbled, you must listen to me." He just stared at me. I stuck my hand out,

"Hi, my name is Stephanie Plum and I am a bounty hunter. A shitty one, I know. But I love my job. It's never boring. " I motioned for him to take my hand, he tentatively reached up and grabbed it. " I like junk food. Food is my friend. I have a hamster named Ella whom I love dearly. I also have this idiot guy in my life who is perfect for me and doesn't even know it. " He looked shocked at that comment. Good, he was paying attention. I took a deep breath and continued. " And, I love him. More then anything and anyone. And I need him to know that. I don't ever want to be in a position again where my life flashes before my eyes and I never told you that." There I said it. That was more scary then the dying part itself. Ranger kept staring at me. Psh, men.

"Now it's your turn." I hinted, he looked like he was to dense to get the point.

"Say it again."

"Say what again?" Let's play dumb.

"Say again." he growled. Okay he wins. I looked him dead in the eye.

"I love you. Ranger. You and only you. Forever." His bent over and kissed our joined hands. When he looked back up at me, his eyes were wet again.

"I love you Stephanie. I can lose 15 houses, you can blow up any number of cars you want, wreck a thousand phones " Thanks for rubbing it in. This was supposed to be romantic. " but they're just things. They can be replaced. But I can't lose you, ever. I wouldn't be able to survive that. I'm sorry for being such a fool." Okay, well, that part was romantic. He leaned over and kissed me gently.

"I love you. " he said as he kissed my forehead.

"I love you " as he kissed my nose.

"I love you" and he kissed me mouth. It was the most welcoming, happy and painful kiss in the history of mankind. Everything we had forgot to say was in it. "You owe me" he said as he pulled away.

"WHAT? I thought you said those were just things? Don't you have insurance?" He laughed at me.

"I meant for the taser."

"Hey, wait, if I remember correctly you tasered me back! If anything, you owe me!" He raised his eyebrow as I continued on. "For leaving me alone. You are never allowed to do that again." He smiled a smile that melted my knees.

"What do you deem as my punishment my lady, " he whispered to my lips.

"I want to go on a REAL vacation."

"Where." he breathed, peppering kisses over my face and taking away my control.

"Vegas." He chuckled, his chest brushing my nipples.

" I've noticed you like gambling." Psh, he clearly didn't get it. I meant The Little White Chapel.

"Babe." Damn him for interrupting my thoughts.

"What?"

"You said that last part out loud." My hand few to my lips and I felt my face get hot. Oh SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT.

"Babe."

"WHAT?"

"Relax, I've always wanted to meet Elvis."


	15. Chapter 18

I stayed in the hospital for another week to let my wounds and burns heal. Ranger stayed by my side.

Joe came and visited, he and Teri were engaged. I was happy for him. We were all getting what we wanted and needed.

The FBI had picked up on the trail of Rae's murders and the members who shot me and burnt down Ranger's house. They were arrested a week before I woke up from my induced coma. Rae's story was accepted by the judge as proof that would uphold in court. Ranger also got two more members to turn on Rameriz Cortez (don't as me how, I don't want to know) and the Columbia Cartel. Rameriz was subsequently arrested and is now serving life in prison. He talked too. A raid is currently in the works, but we were assured that my life was no longer in danger. The focus had now been turned on Rameriz.

Ranger led me outside to his Porsche Turbo and helped me into the passenger seat. We were on our way to VEGAS BABY!

----------------------------------------

"This isn't the way to the airport?" Where was Ranger going?

"We have a detour to make first."

10 minutes later we turned into the Mercy Cemetery. I was confused. Why were we here? Hadn't I dealt with death enough already? Ranger told me to close my eyes as he led me out of the car.

"Open them." I looked at my feet. There was a stone that read:

"Carlito 'Rae' Rameriz. A Life Given for Freedom."

I began to cry.

"When did you do this?"

"A few days ago. The ME released her body to me. I thought you would like it." He hugged to him "Here, I thought you might want these." and handed a bag to me. Inside was my crown and sash from the pageant. I pulled them out, kissed each of them and placed them on her grave.

"These were always yours." I whispered.

We turned to go, one chapter in our lives finally closing, and another opening with promise. It was going to be a good ride.

That is until we got to the hotel and my skirt gets stuck in the car door and I moon everyone in the parking lot.....

but that is a story for another time.


End file.
